by After issues with the stadium delayed TGL’s debut for a year, the tech-infused golf league will host its first match on Jan. 7, 2025.
Over the last few weeks, TGL has attempted to build anticipation with everything from hype videos to a quiz to find your favorite team. Lately the league has been detailing its… interesting… golf holes, and the latest initiative allows fans to name one of the holes, a coastal par 5 resembling the 18th at Pebble Beach that stretches to more than 600 yards and features a centerline hazard and island green.
The contest got the Fried Egg Golf staff thinking of some potential names. Here’s what we’ve come up with.
Lost at Sea – Matt Rouches
This unnamed hole, alongside The Hatchet, The Cliffhanger, and The Boomerang, has officially led me to believe that Nicklaus Designs is lost at sea. The ship is sinking. There is no recovering from this quartet of poorly designed fake golf holes that will seemingly provide little to no challenge to the professional golfers playing them. The only hope for these golf holes would be a complete redesign from our friend Digital Jack
Matt Eberflus – Will Knights
This hole has seemingly no strategy nor game plan. It prevents you from gaining an advantage at every turn, and for most golf balls, the journey will end before reaching the goal line. Therefore, we shall call this hole Matt Eberflus.
Wyoming Pass – Brendan Porath
Did you know a Democrat has not represented Wyoming in the Senate or House since 1977 and 1978, respectively? Or that the state has not voted Democrat in a Presidential election since 1964? And that the last time a Democrat won a single statewide election was 18 years ago? Would you believe that slightly more than 11 percent of the state’s registered voters are Democrats compared to nearly 81 percent Republican?
Much like the state, going left here is more of a concept that exists on paper than a real option. Wyoming Pass.
Congress – Adam Woodard
There’s trouble to the left, trouble to the right, and not much room to work in the middle. Welcome to Congress.
Drawing of the new, yet-to-be-named TGL hole.
The Landing Strip – Joseph LaMagna
Whatever name ultimately gets attached to this monstrosity of a hole must make mention of the narrow strip of fairway to the left of the centerline bunkers. By the looks of it, it is impossible to hit a shot on the landing strip and have the ball settle in the fairway. Plus, finding that side of the fairway provides no advantage into the hole. What purpose does it serve?
I’d like to imagine that the only reason that part of the fairway exists is to provide a walking path for those who hit a tee shot short and left of the fairway bunkers, which would be a hilarious feature of a golf hole that is only played digitally. Considering that there are no constraints to building a golf hole in the Metaverse, at least from tee through fairway, The Landing Strip is on the shortlist of worst golf holes I’ve ever seen in my life.
Cyber Muck – Cameron Hurdus
Much like Brendan’s beloved electric truck, this digital hole is more about eye candy than substance. At first glance it looks cool — a dramatic par 5 hugging a rocky coastline with an island green. But the longer you spend looking at it, the more you realize each feature is just a marketing ploy rather than something you’d actually use. A string of ‘centerline’ bunkers protects a section of fairway you wouldn’t possibly try and hit which is followed by maybe the most difficult ‘layup zone’ ever conceived. At the end of the day, it’s just a hole, although at least this one still only exists in the digital realm.
The Swimming Hole – Meg Adkins
The absurdity of the fairway has been well established by my colleagues, so I’m choosing to focus my attention on the green. Not the actual green because this one looks just like every other TGL green. No, I’m talking about the absence of access to the green making it a true island. Nicklaus Design couldn’t be bothered to take some of the landing strip from the left side of the fairway to attach the green to the rest of the hole, so my logical assumption (screen golf is all about logic, right?) is that a player from each team will be donning swim trunks and using his putter to paddle himself to the green. Are these waters shark-infested? Are players only allowed to swim the butterfly? Is TGL taking a page from the PGA Tour playbook and selling the island green water as commemorative memorabilia? The sky is the limit at The Swimming Hole.
Audubon Certified – Garrett Morrison
I, for one, appreciate the refusal of Nicklaus Designs to locate this imaginary green anywhere near the fictitious coastline. Yes, it would have made for more exciting golf, but you wouldn’t want the theoretical chemicals running off into the make-believe ocean, would you? This is meta-environmental stewardship at its best.
CEN TER LINE – PJ Clark
As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, this hole stinks. However, my attention is not drawn to anything about the hole itself, but these weird green mounds off in the distance to the left of the fairway. As soon as I saw them, my broken brain determined that these rogue patches of virtual grass are arranged in a similar way as the logo for SUN DAY RED, with lines making a (rough) tiger shape. Is this a coincidence? Probably. But given all of the #brand #activation that is sure to come during this inaugural TGL season, why not use this hole’s one defining characteristic in a three-syllable naming convention as a nod to the league’s co-founder? Someone can definitely come up with flowery prose to make this hole seem cool, yet ready for battle at a moment’s notice like your favorite cashmere sweater.
This piece originally appeared in the Fried Egg Golf newsletter. Subscribe for free and receive golf news and insight every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
