On aging with dignity: “I can’t really hang with the younger stars of our game. I mean, they’re really good. They’re really good. But also I don’t feel like the Tour is going in a direction that the majority of PGA Tour players like.”

On how to win friends and influence people: “After my first year on the [PGA Tour policy] board, I wanted to resign because I didn’t feel like my voice was being heard. I felt that they were listening to Jordan [Spieth], which granted, he’s very, very smart, very well spoken. He articulates his words in a way that I could never and he gets his message across. He’s a very likable person in those meetings. On and off the course, I have nothing but the most respect for Jordan. But you can see how when he talks that everyone’s eyes in the room just glimmer like he’s the prom queen, and everyone wants to ask her out for the dance.”

On the plight of PGA Tour pros: “Take a look at the new PGA Tour schedule and you’ll understand why players are upset. Vegas to Japan to South Carolina to Bermuda to Mexico? For the viewers, it’s a flick of a remote. For us, it’s 20 hour travel days and tens of thousands of dollars in expenses…. We should be playing in major cities, places where they have an NFL football team. Not Bermuda and Puerto Rico. Us little guys have feelings too.”

On keeping an open mind: “I’ve changed my mind on playing in major cities.We have just as much responsibility to help those who need it the most. Also, great to get someone’s perspective without the hostile attitude.I believe in humanity again. Live conversations are way better than Twitter conversations.”

On why unions are good: “The secret meeting with Tiger and Rory set a precedent that the top 20 players can get whatever they want from the Tour. So, what’s stopping the other 90 percent of our tour from getting together and doing the same exact thing as Rory and Tiger and saying the top 20 players can go play their own tournaments but the rest of the Tour, us 90 percent all stand together and we want more benefits?”

On Twitter: “It’s just Twitter folks. According to Elon Musk, most of these guys aren’t even real people. Harmless.”

On Elon Musk: “[Crying laughing emoji] This dude bought Twitter just so he can say things that would’ve been censored before. Ultimate flex move. One day, I’d like to buy a golf course just so I could untuck my shirt and listen to music on the course.”

On His Excellency Mohammed Bin Salman: “I feel like goes the same way with His Excellency in Saudi Arabia. We have an opportunity to, you know, possibly help him make the right decisions going forward. You know, it’s like the movie Inception. Like, we’re in it right now. You know, in a dream in a dream in a dream in a—like, we’re in it, and we’re so close. I mean, how awesome would it be if, 10 years from now—right? —uh, the human rights gets better. And this is me just, you know, being very optimist, right? Ten years from now, the human rights getting better, um, just from on a scale between like, um, you know, women’s rights to—uh, just everything. You know, I don’t want to name too many things, but um—and for them to change and then asking them 10 years from now, saying, you know, ‘What changed your mind?’ And him saying, possibly, ‘You know, I had a—played a golf round with Dustin Johnson, and he seemed [inaudible] by it, and I felt like I needed to do something.’ Like that would be pretty cool!”

On the fourth estate: “Congrats golf media, you are now the CNN of golf. Opinionated, divisive.”

On pooping: “[Bicep flex emoji] Going back to my protein shakes. Need the calories, need the protein, don’t enjoy the bloating. Locker room mates might be a little offended during the Florida swing.”

On setting boundaries: “I said what I said. Get off my nuts.”

On sportswashing: “That’s something that I’ve been thinking about, and I kinda knew you were gonna ask that question. It is a big issue—you know, I’m not gonna deny it—the human rights problems that they have in Saudi Arabia. If there is any chance that the government, you know, the people that are—you know, the Saudi golf fund that is sponsoring the LIV, or putting money into the LIV—if that has any influence on how they proceed as a country and make changes—change—being able to change their human rights, um, regulations in their country—if that has any positive influence for their country on whether or not—you know, they’ve invested billions of dollars into this LIV Golf, and if something bad happens, I’m sure the first thing that goes through their mind is not thinking like, ‘Oh, you know, I wonder our LIV Golf fans are gonna handle this, or are gonna take this, you know, we need to make a really good decision here because we can’t lose our fan base,’ but if there’s any, like, even a one percent of them even considering that, then could you say that LIV Golf may or may not have a positive influence on the human rights in Saudi Arabia? Does that make any sense? I have a hard time with my words.”

A short version of this piece originally appeared in The Fried Egg newsletter. Subscribe for free and receive golf news and insight every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.