Why Every Player in the Masters Won’t Win

We guarantee these predictions will be right around 99% correct


The predictions industry has taken a hit recently.

Well, rest assured that this article will contain only one inaccurate prediction. That’s because I will be telling you why every player in the 2020 Masters field will not win.

(Editorial note: This is all—or mostly!—in good fun. We have huge respect for any golfer who has the skill to qualify for the Masters.)

Out of respect for Mr. Palmer, Justin Rose will decline to win the 2020 Masters.

Tiger Woods has won 15 major championships in months not named November. He’s won zero in months named November.

Rory McIlroy‘s new-dad sheen has worn off and the sleep deprivation has set in. As a fellow new dad, I can’t imagine playing good golf right now. It just doesn’t seem possible.

As the renowned golf analyst Skip Bayless pointed out a few years ago, Rickie Fowler is too short to win a major. No, not in terms of driving distance. Bayless meant actual height.

Have you ever seen Lee Westwood hit a short putt on a Sunday afternoon? I have. Real estate prices on Westy Island aren’t going anywhere.

Sadly for the author of this article, no Chicago native has ever won the Masters. Sorry, Matthew Fitzpatrick.

It’s difficult to specify a reason that Adam Scott won’t win. Except for his putting.

At least Xander Schauffele will be able to blame his parents. No player with a name containing the letter “X” has ever won the Masters.

Heard of the Puerto Rico Curse? Basically, no winner of that event has gone on to win outside of Puerto Rico. That’s really too bad, Tony Finau.

Tony Finau usually looks like he's on top of the world, but danger always lurks...

Lukas Michel came on The Fried Egg Podcast last week. Hexed. What an idiot.

Unfortunately for Phil Mickelson, the Masters is not a Champions Tour event.

It’s important to drive the ball long enough to catch the downslopes at Augusta National. Bad news for Brendan Todd.

If this were a Mario Kart tournament, I’d love Nick Taylor‘s chances. But it’s a golf tournament.

No golf podcaster has ever won the Masters. Tough deal, Max Homa.

A player without a physical residence has never won the Masters. Doesn’t bode well for Sungjae Im.

Tyler Duncan is the least interesting man in golf. Winning the Masters is interesting. Therefore…

Is he hitting a driver yet? No? All right, enjoy those fall colors, Henrik Stenson.

Augusta National’s rule against green-reading books will be a major hindrance, but I can also confidently declare that no player has ever gained 60 pounds between Masters appearances and won. Bryson DeChambeau, this isn’t your year.

Justin Thomas‘s dominance in fall and limited-field events is well known, but since Augusta isn’t in Hawaii or Asia, I’m not loving his chances this week.

No player in his 20s has a better résumé than Jordan Spieth, yet out of all of 20-somethings in this Masters field, Spieth might be the most surprising winner.

Ben An always seems to be a trendy pick in majors, but has he ever been relevant in one?

Cheaters don’t prosper at the Masters. Well, except in 2018. Still, better luck next year, Sung Kang and Patrick Reed!

Shane Lowry is still celebrating his 2019 Open Championship win.

Paul Casey has six top-11 finishes in 13 appearances at the Masters. In exactly zero of those did a viewer say, “Paul Casey might win this thing.”

Rafa Cabrera Bello has a long-standing allergy to closing out tournaments. His last two wins came five years apart, and he’s currently in a new three-year drought. Only difference is he’s not a top-10 machine right now, either.

After falling short on Sunday last year, Francesco Molinari is back, and it’s been more than a year. But it’s still too soon. Simple as that.

Ever since coming out as pro-backstopping, Jimmy Walker—aka Walker Texas Backstopper—hasn’t done better than T-19 in 50 starts.

There are many reasons that Corey Conners, Cameron Champ, Abraham Ancer, Scottie Scheffler, and Kevin Kisner won’t need to get fitted for a green jacket this week, but the main one is that no player with the same letter for his first and last initials has won the Masters since Sam Snead.

Given how often he’s been injured, it’s amazing that José María Olazábal can even play 18 holes in competition. This is probably one of the final Masters appearances for one of golf’s great what-if stories.

Augusta National doesn’t look the other way when guys are anchoring. There go Bernhard Langer‘s chances.

The absence of fans will allow Ian Poulter to focus even more of his rage on marshals and other helpful volunteers.

Tyrrell Hatton is more likely to be escorted off the grounds by the Green Jackets than to end up wearing one.

Tyrrell Hatton in his normal state of mind

Why won’t Billy Horschel and Chez Reavie win? Karma. Nobody goes AWOL on Bob Parsons and gets away with it.

Collin Morikawa and Matthew Wolff’s rookie performances in majors have been amazing this year. But this is the Masters! First-timers just don’t win very often. (Fuzzy Zoeller was the last to do it back in 1979.)

No player qualified for the 2020 Masters in more ways than Brooks Koepka, but it’s also been more than a year since he’s done anything that would earn him a spot. Love the Instagram dog content, though.

Augusta’s membership isn’t too keen on players who play fast and loose with the rules, let alone admit to not carrying a rule book. Andrew Landry doesn’t stand a chance.

Mike Weir can’t even beat Phil on the old-guy tour.

I don’t remember how he qualified for the Masters in the first place, so I doubt this is Andrew Putnam’s moment.

At this point, Sandy Lyle‘s relevance comes primarily from which brand he’s #activating. Last year, he was deep in the Flimper game. Can’t wait to see which industry he’s disrupting in 2020.

An amazing, overlooked story is that 1987 champion Larry Mize, now 62, has made three of his past six cuts at the Masters. But, uh… making the cut and contending for the title are two different things.

Can Hideki Win? It’s been 82 starts since Hideki Matsuyama’s last victory, so you tell me.

Si Woo Kim hasn’t been the same since Satoshi Kodaira chased him down at Harbour Town last year. Maybe one day, sweet prince.

J.T. Poston‘s nickname is “The Postman,” but as Scottie Pippen said during the ’97 Finals, mail doesn’t get delivered on Sundays.

The last time Louis Oosthuizen won a golf event outside of South Africa, “The Big 4” of Spieth, Rory, J-Day, and Rickie was a thing people talked about.

If Phil Mickelson is relevant on Sunday, he’ll be in the broadcast booth. (Yes, that is our second entry for Phil. Just for emphasis.)

We have 20+ years of PGA Tour data that suggests Charles Howell III will make the cut and earn a pile of cash… but not win.

Matt Kuchar’s caddie broke up with him and he hasn’t had a top 10 since February. Boom roasted.

He’s 26th in the OWGR and has a decent track record at Augusta National, but Marc Leishman hasn’t cracked an egg since the restart in June.

C.T. Pan has as good a chance at winning the Master as the PGA Tour has of instituting pre-round CT testing for drivers.

When the biggest story about you in recent months is a controversy over taking a spot from a Korn Ferry Tour guy, you’re not in position to win a major. That’s that, Vijay Singh.

I liked Hot Charl Schwartzel‘s chances a lot more before he switched to a Panama hat and a ball named after an airport security company.

Danny Willett is to the Masters as Stewart Cink is to the Open. On the other hand, there won’t be any fans to yell at his brother, so he’s got that going for him.

It’s tough to say anything bad about Gary Woodland. Okay, here: he’s too nice to win the Masters.

There have been reports of mud balls at Augusta. Bad news for Bubba Watson.

Two-time champion Bubba Watson will need to keep his mud balls to a minimum this week

In nine previous appearances at the Masters, Graeme McDowell hasn’t notched a top 10. Fool me nine times, shame you on you; but fool me ten times…

I’m happy for Abel Gallegos, but who are we kidding?

Victor Perez employs Rory McIlroy’s former caddie J.P. Fitzgerald. That’s a lot of bad memories around Augusta’s second nine.

Jon Rahm has been sneaky irrelevant on major-championship Sundays, but at least Paul Azinger won’t be in the booth to spout clichés about the Spaniard’s improved temper.

I’m sure you heard that Bryson was hitting 3-woods over the 3rd green in practice rounds. I’m also sure you remember that Zach Johnson was barely able to get a driver off the 13th tee last year.

Webb Simpson recently lost to his caddie in a practice round at Augusta. All credit to Paul Tesori, but that wasn’t exactly the confidence boost Webb was looking for.

Love the guy, but 24-year-old Jazz Janewattananond looks so young that security may turn him away at the gate.

Do members of the Japanese media ever ask, “Can Shugo win?” That tells you what you need to know about Shugo Imahira’s chances.

Aside from his triumph at the 2016 U.S. Open, has a major-championship Sunday ever gone well for Dustin Johnson? Come to think of it, even that Sunday at Oakmont wasn’t exactly ideal

A win for James Sugrue, Yuxin Lin, or Andy Ogletree would be making the cut.

It’s been a long time (two starts) since his last WD. Never trust Jason Day.

Players who break a 232-start winless drought rarely add a second win shortly after. Don’t go #allin on Jason Kokrak.

Weird but true: Tommy Fleetwood has never won in America.

Tommy Fleetwood, still searching that first U.S. win

Is it statistically possible to gain the number of strokes putting that Brandt Snedeker would need to win?

It’s tough to stay motivated after you’ve reached the apex of golf (No. 1 in the FedEx Cup standings), so I’m not betting on Bassy Muñoz or Lanto Griffin this week.

Don’t shoot the messenger, but Ben Coley took it upon himself to point out that Fred Couples hasn’t broken 70 at Augusta National in seven years.

I just can’t see Adam Hadwin mountie-ing a charge.

Patrick Cantlay has been touted as a smart pick this week, but I’m not sure he can stand up to the pressure of 600 FedEx Cup points being on the line.

He’s been out of the NFL for a few years, but Jay Cutler did too much damage to the Vanderbilt name for John Augenstein to win this year. Maybe someday.

There’s no way that Nick Faldo is going to learn how to pronounce certain names. For Sir Nick’s sake, Christiaan Bezuidenhout will keep his distance from the lead.

Augusta National doesn’t have squirrels or birds on its property, and you think a Golden Gopher like Erik van Rooyen is going to thrive there?

In spite of his last name, Lucas Glover doesn’t wear a glove. Can’t trust that.

Dylan Frittelli sounds a lot like frittata, an egg-based dish. While that is perfectly fine on our website, it won’t fly in a Southern state that prefers grits.

No Justin has ever won the Masters. I’m guessing that Justin Harding won’t be the first.

Tough to imagine Nebraska native Nate Lashley recovering from Nebraska’s loss to Matt Fitzpatrick’s Wildcats in time to regain his focus.

Walking in putts doesn’t tend to work out on Augusta National’s fast, slopey greens. That leaves Kevin Na without his superpower.

He can speak his mind in Australia, but at Augusta National, Cameron Smith won’t find it as easy to hype himself up by badmouthing former Masters champions.

Known for running hot, Matt Wallace has a better chance of pushing his caddie in Rae’s Creek than slipping on the green jacket.

Bernd Wiesberger finished T-43 at both the PGA Championship and the U.S. Open. He goes for the trifecta this weekend.