This is an exciting edition of WOWgr. Normally, major championship WOWgrs rank the field by way of who I think has the best chance of winning. Not this week.
Given recent events and the Adam Hadwin incident at the RBC Canadian Open, I present…
WOWgr: U.S. Open Edition – Most Tackleable Golfers at LACC
Now, this ranking is based on one of two criteria: either they are a general menace to society and in need of a good tackling or they are relatively tackleable in the height and weight department. For instance, Corey Pavin would be very tackleable, Andre the Giant wouldn’t, etc. etc. Adam Hadwin has already been tackled so he was removed from this list. Also, reigning WOWgr No. 1 Rose Zhang is exempt from this week.
Let’s get on with it.
WOWgr: U.S. Open Edition – Most Tackleable Golfers at LACC
No. 1 – Phil Mickelson – I don’t think I need to explain this one.
No. 2 – Patrick Reed – Him either.
No. 3 – Yuto Katsuragawa – My good man Yuto comes in at No. 5’6”, 154 lbs.
No. 4 – Maxwell Moldovan – One of the nicer people you will ever meet, Mr. Maldovan isn’t an intimidating figure but plays significantly outside his frame.
No. 5 – Tyrrell Hatton – I’m not sure if Hatton is really all that tackleable, but I think he’d have a lot of fun with it so he ranks pretty high.
No. 6 – Bryson DeChambeau – Again, self explanatory. Especially now that he dropped the excess chocolate milk weight.
No. 7 – Keegan Bradley – You can only handle so many shifty movements before you have to tackle someone.
No. 8 – Charley Hoffman – Would someone protect this man from getting tackled already?
No. 9 – Joaquin Niemann – Tall enough but pretty wiry and collapsable.
No. 10 – Kevin Streelman – There’s nothing particularly irksome about Streelman, but those backwards sunglasses are enough to make the top 10.
No. 11 – Justin Thomas – I’m not one who hates on JT too much, but there is enough of a quorum for him to be listed pretty high on this list. I do think he’d put up a good fight though.
No. 12 – Sergio Garcia – Welcome back to the PGA Tour, Sergio!
No. 13 – Christian Cavaliere – His name is too close to Kristin Cavallari and we all know how that situation with my guy Jay Cutler ended up. Sorry, Christian.
No. 14 – Abraham Ancer – Have you seen the way this guy runs? I don’t think there would be much trouble getting him to the ground.
No. 15 – Jason Day – He’s had too many injuries to fight back. He’d pull an Eli Manning.
No. 16 – Tommy Fleetwood – Finno might provide some good protection for his guy but I think Tommy is pretty gettable. He’s also in pretty good form for LACC this week, so that’s good.
No. 17 – Patrick Cantlay – Another great fit for LACC and very familiar with the course. Too bad he won’t see the blindside hit coming.
No. 18 – Brooks Koepka – A guy who might be in the top 5 of some peoples’ lists. Issue is that he’s back healthy and can put up a real fight now.
No. 19 – Eric Cole – Would be higher on this list but the freedom that he has in his ankle mobility because of the high-rise joggers allows him to avoid tacklers.
No. 20 – Matt Kuchar – Big body to take down but he’s not mobile whatsoever.
No.21 – Seamus Power – My only worry about Power is that he’s Irish and if he played any sort of rugby this could be a serious mistake.
No. 22 – Brian Harman – Small, yes, but he’s got that Georgia dawg in him.
No. 23 – Francesco Molinari – Another guy who could be higher on this list but if he’s got any residual olive oil on him he could be slippery.
No. 24 – Paul Haley – Grew up playing sports with Matthew Stafford so I’m guessing he learned a thing or two about getting tackled.
No. 25 – Stewart Cink – Similar to Kuchar, he’s a big frame to take down but he is almost eligible for the PGA Tour Champions.
No. 26 – Michael Kim – A fighter, to be sure, but not enough to avoid the takedown forever.
No. 27 – Romain Langasque – A guy that strikes me as someone who could get dirty and mud it up, but at the end of the day, I don’t think he’d try too hard.
No. 28 – Emiliano Grillo – Seems pretty squirrely and fiery. He’d be tougher to take down than you’d originally think.
No. 29 – Rickie Fowler – Much like every media question he’s ever been asked, I think Rickie could sidestep a few tackles. Just not all of them.
No. 30 – Wenyi Ding – Still a teenager, I think his agility keeps him higher on this list than his build would suggest.
No. 31 – Min Woo Lee – Has more than enough power to outlast the initial hit.
No. 32 – Collin Morikawa – Seems like he should be tailormade for LACC this week, but I do worry about his lingering back issues.
No. 33 – Andrew Putnam – Too nice of a guy to tackle with any sort of veracity.
No. 34 – Justin Suh – Smaller guy but the guy has some serious leg strength. He can hold his own for a while.
No. 35 – Olin Browne Jr. – One of the elder statesmen in the field, but the real OBJ has some serious gravitas to him.
No. 36 – Matt Fitzpatrick – Fitzy lost the braces. He’s a new man and quickly rising the ranks of least tackleable.
No. 37 – Justin Rose – If he wasn’t a sturdy human being I think he’d be higher on this list solely because of the Mastercard “ooo, brain freeze” commercial.
No. 38 – Simon Forsström – Swedes are shifty but Simon isn’t all that big.
No. 39 – Patrick Cover– Neither obviously tackleable nor obviously untackleable. May update him when I learn something more about Mr. Cover.
No. 40 – David Puig – I regret putting him this low on the list. Do not like that he took the easy way out by going to LIV straight out of school.
No. 41 – Dylan Wu – Our guy has been tweeting up a storm of late. While some of it is gobbledegook, I do appreciate honesty. He gets bumped up into the 40s.
No. 42 – Alexander Yang – Our first of four Stanford team members in the field. Love his aesthetic.
No. 43 – Carlos Ortiz – Too nice of a guy to be ranked highly on this list, but at 6’0” 150 lbs, he’s not escaping tacklers for too long.
No. 44 – Nicolas Echavarria – Might be a bad guy? Might have made mistakes in college? Who knows.
No. 45 – Jacob Solomon – Not the biggest golfer in the field but his strong beard helps him out.
No. 46 – Hank Lebioda – I’m a little worried that his PGA Tour bio says he was “bribed with ice cream” as a child, but I think he’s gotten wiser and is less gullible these days.
No. 47 – Karl Vilips – Stanford team member No. 2. All Aussies are able to escape tackles, at least for a while.
No. 48 – Mackenzie Hughes – Have to think he learned a thing or two from his Canadian counterpart on what not to do to avoid tackles.
No. 49 – Mac Meissner – SMU guy which kind of worries me, but he’s a tall drink of water with a great head of hair so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.
No. 50 – Nick Dunlap – Anyone who shoots 59 while in middle school is scrappy at the very least.
No. 51 – Ryo Ishikawa – Dude has been through the ringer in his career and you have to admire his tenacity.
No. 52 – Ben Carr – Anyone who associates with the “Wave God” Willy Wilcox is okay and my book. Still, there are a lot of good tackle avoiders in this field.
No. 53 – Roger Sloan – Again, taking lessons from Canadians who have made mistakes in the past. He’s hiding from the spotlight.
No. 54 – Tom Kim – A literal mudder despite being undersized.
Sometimes you just need to get cleaned up mid-round 😅 pic.twitter.com/cyoAbZtiBT
— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) May 19, 2023
No. 55 – Taylor Moore – He won on the PGA Tour this year. People forget that.
No. 56 – Aaron Wise – I just have a feeling he can keep you at arms length with is long putter, at least for a little while.
No. 57 – Adam Svensson – One of the feistier Canadians, at least it seems that way when he’s in contention.
No. 58 – Carson Young – Undersized but when you have flow and a stache that good it’s bound to give people some pause.
No. 59 – Alejandro Del Rey – His Instagram page is way too polished but he largely seems like a great chap. Love a good Spaniard.
No. 60 – Austen Truslow – He may have given away U.S. Open tickets to be bumped up this list, but all credit to him for the effort.
No. 61 – Cameron Davis – Big, Aussie. Still kinda thin though, otherwise he’d be in the 100s.
No. 62 – David Nyfjall – Intimidating last name so that’s pretty cool.
No. 63 – Ryan Armour – A true mule that can grind through some contact, but an aging mule still.
No. 64 – Davis Thompson – Might be more tackleable but his smile scares some people sometimes. Seems like a good guy though.
No. 65 – Brendan Valdes – Seems very well put together. But he’s from Orlando, so, you know.
No. 66 – Brent Grant – Seems very stretchy. That’s helpful when evading tacklers.
No. 67 – Gordon Sargent – Speed can only get you so far. High 60s is pretty good though!
No. 68 – Michael Brennan – Past winner of the Genesis Invitational Collegiate Showcase. That earns you a bump in this very correct ranking.
No. 69 – Corey Pereira – His PGA Tour bio says he’s bowled a 300 and does not like having multiple tees in his pocket. Really hard to square those two facts.
No. 70 – Ross Fisher – I do not know how this guy continues to qualify for big events. He’s 42 years old, hasn’t excelled in years on the DP World Tour, and yet he continues to find a way. Tough to pin down.
No. 71 – Ryan Gerard – Grinder who earned Special Temporary Membership on the PGA Tour this year. Respect.
No. 72 – Barclay Brown – The third of our four Stanford Cardinal in the field. Also known as Mr. Bucket around these parts.
No. 73 – J.T. Poston – Delivers on Sundays. Love that hustle.
No. 74 – Lucas Herbert – Seems kind of crazy?
No. 75 – Jordan Spieth – Top 5 incoming at LACC. Book it.
No. 76 – Sahith Theegala – Athletic as hell, but we need to see just how agile Theegala is still. Could move up quickly.
No. 77 – Si Woo Kim – We love a feisty Si Woo.
No. 78 – Russell Henley – Another Georgia Dawg that seems to have some Kirby Smart fire in him.
No. 79 – Matthew McClean – An Irish optometrist, most people would want to have a beer with McClean, not tackle him.
No. 80 – Deon Germishuys – Top-10 name in golf? Big dude too.
No. 81 – Cameron Smith – Love the guy on the golf course. Still not a fan of his affinity for Greg Norman ventures.
No. 82 – Ryutaro Nagano – Anyone who posts routinely about being in the gym is, by default, difficult to tackle.
No. 83 – Jens Dantorp – Take a look at this guy’s Twitter profile and tell me he’s easy to tackle.
No. 84 – Xander Schauffele – Time to step up at LACC, Xander. Otherwise we’re going to start dropping quickly.
No. 85 – Denny McCarthy – Sneaky fast. Very elusive.
No. 86 – Sam Stevens – The Shotgun Start has hyped him up enough this week. Clearly there is something going on with him.
No. 87 – Matthieu Pavon – A Frenchman, but an intimidating one at that. Not sure he’d be easy to get on the ground.
No. 88 – Vincent Norrman – Big fan of this guy. Don’t know much about him, but I’m a big fan.
No. 89 – Isaac Simmons – A Liberty University product. We know how things go on that campus.
No. 90 – Paul Barjon – Far too nice to tackle.
No. 91 – Joel Dahmen – Not only do I think Joel is up for a tussle after having a couple Long Drinks, but his personality actively discourages people from wanting to tackle him.
No. 92 – Frankie Capan – Any dunk city product has to have some mobility to him.
No. 93 – Patrick Rodgers – If you can maintain a Tour card for a decade or so and never win a golf tournament, hats off to ya.
No. 94 – Sebastian Munoz – Is he still sponsored by Flex Seal? That would plug any gap.
No. 95 – Pablo Larrazabal – A veteran in avoiding takedowns. He also seems like a genuinely interesting character who would have some good stories to tell over a glass of full-bodied red wine.
No. 96 – Jordan L. Smith – An Alabama or England situation. That’s tough to take down.
No. 97 – Nick Taylor – Literally had a security guard run around him last weekend and took notes from Hadwin. He’s not the biggest guy but he has some real life experience in the trenches now.
No. 98 – Padraig Harrington – Twenty years ago, Paddy might have been in the top five. Age catches up with everyone.
No. 99 – Martin Kaymer – As athletic as they come, but starting to wonder if recent surgeries might hamper him when up against an edge rusher.
No. 100 – Kurt Kitayama – Low man wins, especially when your nickname is Quadzilla or the Quad Father.
No. 101 – J.J. Grey – You have to root for this dude at LACC.
No. 102 – Chris Kirk – A great family man, Kirk is tough to pin down by the way he gamed the PGA Tour system this year, opting to play in the non designated events and hoover up easy FedEx Cup points.
No. 103 – David Horsey – The guy has six professional victories in six different countries — Germany, Morocco, Russia, Denmark, Belgium, and France — and is playing his first major in six years. A grinder if there ever was one.
No. 104 – Omar Morales – If you Google “Omar Morales,” you’ll almost certainly be served results for mixed martial artist. That helps the UCLA golfer get bumped up the rankings.
No. 105 – Sam Bennett – Slow as hell so that hurts his cause, but Bennett is a fighter.
No. 106 – Mateo Fernandez de Oliveira – The Latin America Amateur champion is teammates with John Daly II. That has to mean there is some wrestling going on so I’m sure he’s in good form.
No. 107 – Andrew Svoboda – If there is one thing that 2023 has taught us, it’s that sturdy club pros do well in major championships.
No. 108 – Max Homa – No one should want to tackle Max Homa, but something tells me the new dad wouldn’t risk injury past a certain point.
No. 109 – Jesse Schutte – He has a very understanding wife, and that’s like 90% of the battle.
No. 110 – Gunn Charoenkul – Seems tough. Not sure why.
No. 111 – Alex Schaake – Corn fed Nebraskan. Need I say more?
No. 112 – Billy Horschel – Is he someone that many, many people would enjoy doing the Oklahoma drill with? Sure. Is he a bit undersized compared to other athletes? Yes. But he’s a fitness freak and is going to fight till the bitter end.
No. 113 – Preston Summerhays – The 2019 U.S. Junior Amateur champion grew into his frame and is now helping lead Arizona State to victories.
No. 114 – Kyle Mueller – He won the “David Toms Overcoming Adversity Award” at the University of Michigan in 2018. That’s something.
No. 115 – Nick Hardy – I first saw Nick when he was 11 or 12 years old and that scrawny kid beat high school me by like 15 shots at the Illinois State Junior Amateur. He’s much larger than I am now and can hit the ball much further.
No. 116 – Berry Henson – He sucked up to Greg Norman and LIV far too much for my taste but I respect the hell out of Berry’s hustle. He’s playing his first major at 43 years old!
No. 117 – Michael Thorbjornsen – Since I know you’re all dying to know, Thor is our fourth Stanford team member. He’s also a beast.
No. 118 – Sam Burns – Not the biggest guy in this portion of the list, but you know Bermuda Burns is scrappy. You don’t get out of Shreveport without getting your hands dirty.
No. 119 – Mito Pereira – Seems like a very good guy that people like to be around and has a little mass to hold his own as well.
No. 120 – Corey Conners – The second largest Canadian to learn lessons last week.
No. 121 – Hideki Matsuyama – I’ve never seen Hideki be aggressive in any facet of life, but something tells me he could stand up to a bully or charging security guard if he had to.
No. 122 – Victor Perez – As a wee 5’10” lad myself, I look up to those 6’6” folks like Mr. Perez. Both literally and figuratively.
No. 123 – Taylor Montgomery – Hoss.
No. 124 – Adam Schenk – Another sturdy midwesterner. If you grow up in Vincennes, Indiana, you have a couple strong bones in your body.
No. 125 – Austin Eckroat – Oklahoma is a mystery to me, so if you make it out of there I think you know a thing or two about toughness.
No. 126 – Thriston Lawrence – This South African hits you, not the other way around.
No. 127 – Hayden Buckley – Hardly recruited out of high school in MIssissippi, Buckley and his homegrown swing have made their way into contention on the PGA Tour a couple times this year.
No. 128 – Kyoung-Hoon Lee – I love everything about the Husky Boy. He shall not be tackled
No. 129 – Scottie Scheffler – As long as he gets his plant foot more secure than his trail leg in his golf swing, I think you’ll have a tough time taking down the Texan.
No. 130 – Adrian Meronk – Another tall guy!
No. 131 – Viktor Hovland – A shorter guy! But Vik is way too chill to be tackled by anyone.
No. 132 – Rory McIlroy – Same with Rory. Unless you’re a LIV troll of course.
No. 133 – Keith Mitchell – Pursuers might stop dead in their tracks when they see how well Cashmere Keith dresses.
A touching tribute this morning to Harry Higgs from Keith Mitchell pic.twitter.com/WlaRIteUbA
— Patrick McDonald (@AmateurStatus) April 6, 2023
No. 134 – Tom Hoge – Only susceptible to surprise attacks at the roulette wheel.
No. 135 – Adam Scott – Why would anyone tackle Adam Scott?
No. 136 – Wilco Nienaber – Good luck taking down the speedster.
No. 137 – Sungjae Im – Not only would you not want to tackle Sungjae, I think he’d be sneaky difficult to take down.
No. 138 – Wyndham Clark – It seems like most of the golf world realized how strong Wyndham is this summer. Don’t think he’s going down easy.
No. 139 – Sepp Straka – How would you attack a septic tank? Now imagine a human version.
No. 140 – Harris English – Far too smooth. He’d breeze right past you, especially when he’s flushing it.
No. 141 – Scott Stallings – Potentially too low here for Stallings as he is undoubtedly the PGA Tour player with the best gym habits.
No. 142 – Dustin Johnson – Did you know he can dunk a basketball?
No. 143 – Tony Finau – Far too nice to be tackled and too athletic to cover anyway.
No. 144 – Aldrich Potgieter – A top notch name, Aldrich is as sturdy as they come.
No. 145 – Cameron Young – Guy made it out of the streets of New York! Can’t get much tougher than that.
No. 146 – Thomas Pieters – Although he got a bit testy this winter when he was snubbed from the Genesis Invitational, it seems like many players enjoy Pieters. On top of that, he’s a loose cannon and would be very difficult to wrap up.
No. 147 – Luke List – Effortless power. Both in that Luke has it and you’d need a lot of it to take him down.
No. 148 – Shane Lowry – He’d be tough to tackle any time, but if he has a few Guinness in him I’m not sure it would be possible.
No. 149 – Gary Woodland – Multi-sport athletes are automatically bumped up this list.
No. 150 – Alexander Noren – You’ve seen his hands, right?
No. 151 – Ryan Fox – His dad was a New Zealand rugby player. Nuff said.
No. 152 – Taylor Pendrith – Former hockey player, big frame, and silky movements. No shot.
No. 153 – Jon Rahm – “He stood six-foot-six and weighed two-forty-five, kinda broad at the shoulder and narrow at the hip, and everybody knew ya didn’t give no lip to big Jon.”